Are you “in Love” or just Lost?

5 common mistakes people make when searching for love

by Kristin Harper

1. Trying to change people. As M.C. Hammer said, "you can’t save the world, and the one man who tried, they crucified." If you’re sweating the small stuff, look at the big picture. Do they love, respect and honor you? Can you trust them? Do they have your best intentions at heart? Since we’re not perfect, we can’t expect perfection from others. Love beyond their flaws.

2. Choosing swagger over character. I Samuel 16:7 says, "man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart." Swagger—someone’s image, their job, car, clothes, and body—is temporary and can change. Character, on the other hand, is the core foundation of who someone is inside and is typically consistent ‘for better or for worse.’

3. Confusing lust for love. The English language only has one word for love, but there are 3 words in Greek. After all, you can’t ‘love your car’ in the same way you ‘love your spouse.’ Eros is based on selfish pleasures, and is the genesis of eroticism, pornography and the sex-craved culture that pervades our society. Phileo is brotherly love and conditional in nature. You "phileo" cars as long as they perform, but when the engine breaks down, the "phileo" stops. The highest form of love is Agape, the sacrificial, unconditional and unmerited love of God. Agape expects nothing in return and loves regardless of what you do or say. So, the next time you say, "I love fill in the blank," be clear about which love you really mean.

4. Cheating on God. Have you ever "fallen in love" and put everyone and everything else on the back burner, including God? When we put gods (little g) before God (the big G), we commit Spiritual Infidelity™. "Little g" gods can come in any form—other people, jobs, yourself, possessions, your will and desires. Remember Exodus 20:3: "Though shall have no other gods before me."

5. Using sex as a down payment for love. Yes, I went there—don’t act like it doesn’t happen! So often, sex is a transaction to enable the physical release men’s bodies requires, but many women use sex as a down-payment for something more—marriage, a relationship, money or gifts. If you want eros and the other wants phileo, it only leads to confusion and chaos. Avoid the pain of having different priorities and motives—be clear about what both of you want.

A Prayer for You: "Lord, first I want to thank you for all of my past experiences you have empowered me with for I know it will prepare me for this next step as well as provide a blessing to others...I ask in your name to bless me with the 'right partner at the right time in the right way'! Therefore, I pray that You help me recognize these mistakes, guide me as I learn from them and embark on a new path of love. As always, I trust Your blessing will more than meet my 'wants' but also satisfy my 'needs'. Amen!

Written by Crystal Robinson
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Kristin Harper is author of "Love’s Resurrection: A Spiritual Journey through Marriage, Divorce and Remarrying the Same Man." For more information, visit www.kristinharper.com.