The Secret to a Peaceful, Conflict-free Life

It seems so simple, but it just doesn’t seem to register. No matter how many times I gently remind my husband to put the dishes in the dishwasher, inevitably they end up stacked in the sink. When he does remember to place them in the dishwasher, they’re haphazardly placed and typically not rinsed. So, I rearrange the dishes, the bottom of the dishwasher usually gets caked up with food and drink, and since they weren’t rinsed, the dishes are often still dirty, even after the dishwasher has run!

This is but one example of the nuances of marriage that can work a sister’s nerves. (To be fair, there are plenty of things I do that get on my husband’s nerves) While I could get frustrated, pick arguments, or hold it against him, instead I think of how grateful I am to have a husband. After all, I’d rather be married to a great guy and have twice washed dishes than to have a perfect kitchen by myself! Just a few years ago, I prayed that God would send a man who loved me; in fact, I made a list of the qualities I desired in a husband. Here are some of those qualities I listed— no where on the list was putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher!

• I desire that God will provide a helpmate, soul mate, friend, confidante, and lover with whom I can spend my life.
• I pray for a man who loves God, serves God, obeys God, and makes God first in his life.
• I pray that I don’t have to go to a club to find a man! Enough said.
• I desire a man who will love my daughter like his own, welcome the blended family, and simply adore me, flaws and all.

Gratefulness is one of the secrets to living a peaceful, conflict-free life. It’s common to express thanks and appreciation during the holidays, but living a life filled with gratitude everyday is even better. This exercise is especially useful when things aren’t going your way. Recently, a family member unexpectedly lost their job. Instead of wallowing in despair, I reminded them that no matter how bad things seemed, they could always be worse. After making a grateful list, they instantly felt better!

So, don’t delay—start your gratitude journey now. You’ll be amazed at how addictive gratefulness can be! First, identify something that’s not working as well as you’d like, then list 5 reasons why you’re grateful (and don’t forget to join the Real Talk™ conversation at www.KristinHarper.com.

"O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good: because his mercy endureth for ever." Psalm 118:1

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Real Talk Question of the Week:

For what or whom are you grateful?

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Kristin Harper is author of "Love’s Resurrection: A Spiritual Journey through Marriage, Divorce and Remarrying the Same Man." For more information, visit www.KristinHarper.com

Forgiving ain't easy!

It often feels easier to hold a grudge than to forgive. Although we may feel that being angry makes the other person suffer, we are the ones who actually suffer when we don’t forgive. In fact, there is a recent medical link between unresolved anger and lack of forgiveness to physical illness.

Over the past few weeks, we’ve learned about a financial crisis that has been brewing for years, and one that could necessitate forgiveness. According to the reports, six out of every 100 mortgages were "high risk"—that is, given to people with less than adequate income or credit. The greed of Wall Street, development of laws by Congress that forced banks to give loans to people who otherwise wouldn’t qualify, and the irresponsibility of consumers who signed up for loans they knew they couldn’t afford has had a negative ripple effect on the world economy. In fact, the mistakes and greed of others will innocent taxpayers $700 Billion, and maybe more.

It’s almost as if the 94% are being penalized for the sins of the 6%. Consumers’ taxes will certainly be affected; the market has taken over a 25% downturn, negatively affecting investors; and the value of home could decline.

It’s difficult to forgive the few who seemingly "messed things up" for the overwhelming majority. However, there was a man who willingly took on the sins of the world, and gave His very life for crimes He didn’t commit. As followers of Christ, our goal is to be like Him in our day to day living, but if you’re like me, you’ll admit that it’s difficult to forgive, let alone willingly pay for the sins of others.

God commands us to forgive others if we expect forgiveness from Him. "You can't get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God's part." (Matt.6:15, The Message)

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A Prayer for You: "Lord, help me to forgive even when it's hard. I know that I can only be forgiven when I first forgive others."

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Real Talk Question of the Week:

Do you find it more difficult to forgive or forget?

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Kristin Harper is author of “Love’s Resurrection: A Spiritual Journey through Marriage, Divorce and Remarrying the Same Man.” For more information, visit www.KristinHarper.com