Are you emotionally bankrupt?

Restoring the Black Family Series – Part 1:

Are you emotionally bankrupt?

Joys are raised and hopes are high with the inauguration of the first African-American U.S. president. I pray that having a prominent African-American family in the spotlight will serve as a role model and inspiration for countless people who have lost hope in marriage and family.

Our society doesn’t have many examples of strong Black families. Unfortunately, what’s more common today are single parent households, accomplished businesswoman who come home to empty houses, and many brothers who are having their cake and eating it, too, in every flavor, I might add. (Sisters are actually enabling this, but we’ll talk about that another day--smile)

This is the first article in a 4-part series to explore how we—both individually and collectively—can restore the Black family. Before we delve into discussing women, men, children and society, we have to start at the core—with ourselves.

During Christmas dinner, I spent time talking to my 90-year old grandmother. Grandma Marie may be old in age, but she is young in mind and spirit. She was one of eighteen children, and is one of only two who remain alive. So, she’s seen a lot in her day and time. When asked the most important lessons she’s learned over the past nine decades, she quickly responded, “Love. Love is everything.”

According to I Corinthians 13, “we are bankrupt without love. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always ‘me first,’ doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. Love never dies." (I Corinthians 13:4-7, The Message)

It matters not how much we’ve accomplished, how many possessions we own, how wise or powerful we may be—without love, you are nothing. We could even give away our house and give money to those less fortunate, but if it’s not done with a spirit of love, it is a total waste. That’s why there are so many celebrities who seemingly have everything they may ever want, but their spirit is empty because love is absent. Here’s a secret: we can only show love to others according to how we love ourselves.

When we exude these qualities of love, it enables us to have healthy relationships with ourselves and others, our families and communities. The opposite is also true. If we lack these love qualities, it will lead to broken relationships, torn marriages, parent-child conflict, and sibling rivalry. Beyond our immediate relationships, love is even the foundation of healthy relationships with co-workers, neighbors, church members and in society, the lack of which leads to harsh words and judgments, anger, violence, and yes, even war.

So, the first step in restoring the Black family is to renew our commitment to loving ourselves wholly and completely as outlined in I Corinthians 13, because when we love ourselves, we can freely give that love to others and our emotional bank account will overflow in abundance.

Stay tuned to http://www.kristinharper.com/ for a NEW “love audit” and tips on how to add more love to your relationships!

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Kristin Harper is author of “Love’s Resurrection: A Spiritual Journey through Marriage, Divorce and Remarrying the Same Man.” For more information, to purchase “Love’s Resurrection,” or to book Kristin for a speaking engagement, visit www.kristinharper.com or email info@kristinharper.com.

Do you have 20/20 vision?

With the New Year comes a long-time tradition—setting resolutions. We make these promises to ourselves with the best intentions, but if you’re like me, they quickly fade from our memory and rarely come true. Several years ago, I stopped making resolutions and instead started a new ritual that has been much more meaningful and fulfilling: creating a vision board.

A vision board is a collage of goals, dreams, and aspirations, filled with pictures and words that visualize what you desire.Vision boards can include tangible things you want to acquire, emotions you want to feel, things you want to accomplish, characteristics you want to exhibit, words that inspire you, and whatever else you want to envision for your life.

For the past four years I’ve created vision boards. The poster board stays in my office until Christmas break when I review what I envisioned nearly 12 months prior. Amazingly, every single year I’ve created a vision board, nearly everything comes true!

For example, last year, my husband and I put a picture of a convertible Benz on our vision board. We didn’t necessarily plan on buying a luxury car, but after his car was totaled we had to buy another car—an Infiniti! (Thank God, he wasn’t injured in the accident). What’s cool is that he even rented a Mustang convertible during a weekend trip, so our vision came true! It just goes to show that ALL things—even unfortunate incidents or those unexpected detours in our lives—work together for our good (Romans 8:28).

I once heard a gospel singer say it like this: “you’ve got to see it before you see it, or you never will see it!” When we write down our visions—in words or pictures—it drives clarity and focus, and we significantly increase the likelihood of that vision occurring, especially if it is in the will of God.

So, what do you envision for 2009? Will you experience joy, excitement or adventure? Is this the year you will forgive that person who wronged you? Is this your time to write a book, record that CD, join a ministry or attend the self- development seminar? Has the time come to build relationships with new people or rid yourself of toxic situations that don’t serve you and your spirit? Perhaps you want a raise or promotion at your job, or to take a vacation you’ve always dreamed of? Whatever it may be, write it down, put an image to your vision and believe it!

Now is your time to stake claim to your dreams, visions, and goals!

“And then God answered: "Write this. Write what you see. Write it out in big block letters so that it can be read on the run.” (Habukkuk 2:2; The Message)

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Real Talk Question of the Week:

What do you envision for 2009?

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Kristin Harper is author of “Love’s Resurrection: A Spiritual Journey through Marriage, Divorce and Remarrying the Same Man.” For more information, visit KristinHarper.com