It often feels easier to hold a grudge than to forgive. Although we may feel that being angry makes the other person suffer, we are the ones who actually suffer when we don’t forgive. In fact, there is a recent medical link between unresolved anger and lack of forgiveness to physical illness.
Over the past few weeks, we’ve learned about a financial crisis that has been brewing for years, and one that could necessitate forgiveness. According to the reports, six out of every 100 mortgages were "high risk"—that is, given to people with less than adequate income or credit. The greed of Wall Street, development of laws by Congress that forced banks to give loans to people who otherwise wouldn’t qualify, and the irresponsibility of consumers who signed up for loans they knew they couldn’t afford has had a negative ripple effect on the world economy. In fact, the mistakes and greed of others will innocent taxpayers $700 Billion, and maybe more.
It’s almost as if the 94% are being penalized for the sins of the 6%. Consumers’ taxes will certainly be affected; the market has taken over a 25% downturn, negatively affecting investors; and the value of home could decline.
It’s difficult to forgive the few who seemingly "messed things up" for the overwhelming majority. However, there was a man who willingly took on the sins of the world, and gave His very life for crimes He didn’t commit. As followers of Christ, our goal is to be like Him in our day to day living, but if you’re like me, you’ll admit that it’s difficult to forgive, let alone willingly pay for the sins of others.
God commands us to forgive others if we expect forgiveness from Him. "You can't get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God's part." (Matt.6:15, The Message)
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A Prayer for You: "Lord, help me to forgive even when it's hard. I know that I can only be forgiven when I first forgive others."
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Real Talk Question of the Week:
Do you find it more difficult to forgive or forget?
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Kristin Harper is author of “Love’s Resurrection: A Spiritual Journey through Marriage, Divorce and Remarrying the Same Man.” For more information, visit www.KristinHarper.com
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2 comments:
Comment from Kenya:
I find it to be very easy to forgive and may do so even to a fault. However, I believe being forgiving is also being accepting of what you are forgiving and the purpose in order to truly forgive.
I don't believe it is as easy to forget, particularly if the other person or the situation does not make room for accepting or receiving the forgiveness. Additionally, I have a mind that remembers everything so it becomes difficult to forget. :) I think, however, that that is okay.
I think forgiveness takes an ability to own what has happened to you and understand (or at least try) why it happened, accepting that it has happened, and moving on. I think some people say they forgive as part of going through the motions, however, because they haven't yet accepted the action they get stuck. It becomes personal, vindictive, and causes a reaction for somewhat of a denial. You are in disbelief that this action occurred, that someone did something or said something, and you can't understand why this happened to you. The ego kicks in as self defense and there is a period where you just can't accept it. In this situation, I think it is very difficult to forgive. However, I think if you remove yourself from the situation as something that happened TO you rather than something that happened BECAUSE OF you, you begin to reach an understanding or acceptance of the situation in order that you can offer an act of forgiveness.
I think many people look at forgiveness as a form of defeat or an admission of wrong-doing on the forgivers part. This is usually because there was a lack of acceptance of what happened in the first place. Whether you are wrong or right, I believe accepting the situation and forgiving the person is very different from agreeing whether something was right or wrong, good or bad. I can believe that another was wrong, the situation was bad, but be willing to understand and/or accept what happened and be forgiving in order to move on. I still may not know why things happened but I accept that they happened and with that I may forgive. I may or may not engage with the person again but I have allowed myself to accept what has happened so that my burden isn't heavy and I can move on.
I agree with Kristin that forgiving isn't about the other person, it is about allowing yourself the ability to move on and not have a grudge. It is very liberating and I highly encourage everyone to at least try. Don't take everything personally may be the first step. Remember, that not everything in life is necessarily about you. With that, I think opening the mind to that notion allows for more space in your heart to forgive. The mind is not as heavy as the heart so not forgetting is an easier burden to carry than not forgiving.
from Sharon:
Its always harder to forgive and you never forget. You just have to reach deep and let God change your heart towards whatever the situation was that hurt you. But I know first hand how difficult this is. I had to focus on how many times I let God down and remember how I want him to forgive me!
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